My Ramblings

Today is the day I declare Bankruptcy of love. When I decided to create, Something called love. Tried to evoke it Which is truly spontaneous. Like those geysers And those hot springs. When I decided to sow Jungle seed and expected A garden to turn up around me. And why not when I know I'm dead inside. No matter how much I push It won't lift a leaf in the air. Such is the power of love. I feel the charcoal and tar Like on the roads Smoldering inside me, Something which is burning With fumes around. Layers upon layers, So when one burns, I don't miss the pains. Always refreshed, And each layer like A sheet of paper Calcines. Where I am made of So many things, And none stick together. I feel the discrete insides Of me stitched together. But more like the pieces Of a jigsaw puzzle Shaped like my insides. So today I give it up In the name of love, For I owe it that much. Finally, today is the day I declare my bankruptcy. _______________________________

Talk about you, or Retell a story.  You will find a chord Strikes closely. A story of the phoenix Which rises from ashes.  The hullabaloo of drama That it encases. So it does after  It decomposes, A natural cycle  It endorses.  The tale of yours So it does differ, Don't let nature alone Slide like a winner.  To be quelled Or crushed  Or grounded Or scrunched. Yet scrappy enough To come up from flames Burn you all up, Yet you are game. You recover from  The torment the tease An indomitable  Soul with such vim. To Win or not, it Extinguishes. A clobbered loon Yet it pushes.  Rise on you mate  Not Phoenix so reverent, Because when you do You need no precedent. ___________________________________

Sometimes in those nights With ear-splitting din, It hangs around, Like a noose, An albatross around the neck, The guilt starts to Choke the pipe. The elements of doubts Raise the hairs on arms. But the chills are  Sent down the spine, "What do you do my dear?", A scared, raggedy simpleton Asks me for a conciliation. Biding the time, No dearth of words But too little to offer, The child needs wisdom from peer, A rejoinder thrown across. "Let the night be spent, May it fold in  As a nightmare. A morning may shine upon Tomorrow." _________________________________________

 And maybe Seneca replied,  Or smirked the least. Stoical or not, learn  To find difference. Chances to make impact, The littlest ones. Search for them, Stare at the hustle Stay untouched. Pray at the end  And boy o boy Find your preceptor, A beacon who holds While you wade through And sling along the mud, To guide you, And you walk the stride  With head held high. ___________________________________

Do you feel that lingering pierce  Bleeding within you? It's like a cringe,  For it sinks me And loses me awhile. Or is it like the painful divot Across the bones Misplaced and formed accidentally By my heart when it was  Thrown out of its cavity. Perpetual and enduring. Its not friendly  But never leaves my side.  It charms to see A sinking ship infront of eyes. The gush by then has reached Deepest beyond my senses. And all I could was blow Out a whimper. Probably The last one,  But not without a smile.  Do you feel the same too?  _________________________________ Credits:  https://www.wattpad.com/story/103961669-the-girl-in-the-hoodie

It all started with the chats and messages the lesser tools the millenials use. I guess I needed to stick with the conventional side of my personality. I so adjust! He seemed like an  agreeable guy. But how much can you trust a guy behind a screen, and a guy after all! The chats continued. The wallpaper in my room was discoloring on its own. My pen and paper were also kind of tired and they asked for vacation. So, I had nothing to engage with. The daily stare-fights with my laptop in the lockdown had long exceeded the quota to keep me restrained. So what if they paid for my lifestyle!    We lived in the same town, not too big to be called a city. But it had fascinating topography. Amidst the plains which bore the harvest for the whole state lay the shallow mountains which rose out of nowhere. It felt formidable because of its expanse. They say in the ancient times the quarry was the source of lavish livelihood and that had cleaved the mountains in the thing of b...

"Do you ever feel the little waves and then huge waves flushing you from inside?", her voice seems to echo. Sitting across from her for almost an hour without the slightest sussuration; nothing but the flip-flops of the file papers being turned over, the sudden words nearly wakes him from a daze. He has not been asleep, just no action has him grown more situated to an environment of calm. It is not her fault, certainly. "Sorry... what?", he couldn't hear what she said in entirety and so embarassment is palpable in his voice. "Life... Do you ever really get tired of it?", she finds him staring at her. Or may be the question she let out has discomfited him. It is not long before he realises what he has been doing. However, the daze is again broken off by her. With a low snort. Finally, he feels like he needs to put some clarifications across before he is labelled a complete knucklehead and made rounds with around the town. "... Sorr...

I know I am not alone, For I still do breathe I know it's only possible, We are in a pod, two peas. I know I seek you out, Ok today you're invisible But I know you will show up, For I won't stay like this forever. I care not where The strings will attach, I know not to where Till then I will veer. But I will find you behind The mountains and a stream. For all I know: With you, I belong. Everything else peeves. __________________________________

I am here and there But still no where No sweat no gravity To drown me of energy But I am tired. No hunger pains No whittling wounds Only sitting down, waiting For another lockdown. Am I really tired? The world is not good. Humanity tops chart of cruel. People so ridiculous I knew, also my peers told. Yet I am tired. So why the weariness! Just from a heartbreak. A return to the past, I know now what you felt. I may be a little tired. A friction to the rolling pendulum A base to my dropping self A constant buzz that kept me sane Let that all settle in!  I now roll on to end nowhere never. That's why I am tired.

A sham of life In the night. Wish to roll it In a joint, Smoke it out. So remains are The ashes, of Life once. The dawn comes, Sizzles out the Crisis. The next Day of hope and Optimism. Life That dances on. What a fool, Such naive fool! Not just that, I serve it right. Like a guest Of honour in my Mother's household. I flirt with it and It covets attention. Such a coquette! Why would it leave? It feeds on the pamper. I only forget I am scared all time. What could come out Of grabbing on to A nightmare just Hanging around.

A weird thought took over, I got up horizontal. Then I stood up perpendicular. Only because I grew tired Of standing perpendicular And wish to skip to horizontal. Wanting to twist like the hypotenuse Nothing extra-curricular Just to touch my base in particular. _____________________________________________

There's an obsession  Of mine about me.  To care for me  Like never anyone did.  That's an obstinacy  To wish I shone To rid myself of  being unknown. That's an audacity  To fly with wings. To stop only  Only when I wished.  Oh call it whatever You like, the mind  Flutters high. It's a Pulse hard to find.  A subtle noise, to hear. It chirps and it whimpers. From the depth so dark From where it lingers.

हाथ बढ़ा ऐ ज़िन्दगी जो दिए तुझे मौके हज़ार जो निकले खुद को ढूंढने तो तबीयत से तराशा जो निकले खुद को बाँटने तो हमें ही टुकड़ा-टुकड़ा कर दिया जो निकले भरोसे का दामन पकड़ने तो लोगों के शक्ल ही बदल दिए जो चले दो मीठे बोल बोलने तो उसकी बाज़ार सजवा दी महसूस तो करवा पर इतना न कि सांस से अलग होना चाहूँ तुझे ढूंढने के लिए ही हम ने की है मशक्कत जो यही सिखा दे कि नाउम्मीद न हो जाऊँ क्या करूँ ऐ ज़िन्दगी और किसे दूँ ये मौके हज़ार __________________________________ 16.05.2020 कभी तो ज़िन्दगी की तलब ऐसी लगती है कि लगता है सामने रखी काग़ज़ पे उसे परोस कर बस एक कश लगाऊँ। एक साँस और ज़िन्दगी जुदा। _______________________ 26.05.2020 सहम सी गईं हैं खुशियाँ बोलती नहीं आजकल मुझसे ढाँढस बंधाती हैं मुझे तू जी बस आज कभी आराम से कश लगाएँगे| ______________________ 04.09.2020 करो ना ज़ाया इन अश्क़ों को हुज़ूर ग़म-ए-नुमाइश में कहीं अकेले न पड़ जाओ।

किसीने हमसे कहा क्या पाया ऐसे खुद को खोकर बेज़ार होकर सड़कों पे बदहवास चल कर बेसुध होकर गुनगुना कर बेबात खुश होकर हमने जवाब दिया शायद या वो भी याद नहीं हमें क्या पता हम चल रहे थे किसी धुन में हमने तो पहली बार देखी थी अपनी ज़िंदगी सो पड़ गए हाथ धोकर माफ करना तुमपर नज़र पड़ी नहीं। ______________________________________ 18.05.2020 ख़्वाब के टूटने का दर्द ही अजीब होता है न झेला जाता है ना बयाँ किया जाता है। बड़े कश्मकश के हालात होते हैं! असल होते तो उनकी मैय्यत सजाते पर बेवजूद को दफ़न करें तो कैसे टीसती है बस तो वो सच्चाई जो ख़्वाब ने ज़िंदा कर दिए थे।

29.04.2020 इस दुनिया में उनसे इज़हार-ए-इश्क़ क्या करें बस मोहब्बत उनसे उस शिद्दत से करें कि दास्तां सुनके इस बेआबरू दिल की इश्क़ से हमें मोहब्बत एक बार फिर हो जाये। ________________________________ 05.05.2020 इसमें गलती क्या है हमारी जो हमें इश्क़ हर बार हो जाये जो दिल ही है कमज़ोर जो एक मीठे शब्द से पराया हो जाये ___________________________________ 13.05.2020 यादों की एक फेहरिस्त है जो मेरे ज़ेहन में बसर करती है जो कभी खुशी तो कभी ग़म की अदायगी करती है कोशिश करें भी जो इन्हें भूल के आगे बढ़ने की थोड़ी मोहलत देकर ये ख्वाहिशों को भी आँसुओं में तब्दील कर देती है महफ़िल-ए-नुमाईश में दिल को जब कभी रोक नहीं पाते हम तो दिल को बेआबरू होने से पहले ये हमेशा रोक देती हैं _____________________________________ 14.05.2020 वो कहते हैं हमसे हम कुछ कहते नहीं उनसे हम कैसे कहें उनसे बस वो ही तो हैं हम में _____________________________ ** वो हैं हमारे ईमान हमारे इबादत हमारे जो जाएंगे वो ऐसे बेइत्तला बेशिक़वा तो वो याद हमारी कहानी हमारी दीवानगी हमारी _____________________...

To all my dearies and all my clan To all my peeps who wish me good lu-c-k. To the ones who make me laugh That's tough, believe you me. The world revolves yet another circle. It brings us gifts of all colours. We trust, we hurt, we laugh and we cry But move on just so we keep on trying. Everything's going to be okay You tell me to believe and so I do Because everything else is sucked Inside the lonely blackhole. Everything's gonna be alright We suck up to life sometimes. We fall we trot but we get up On our feet turned around. We look at our past and into The future with eyes on present We hope we fall back on which yearns So we come out of our drab unscathed. Raise a toast to you To the ones we lose to the ones we gain To the ones who are scrappy And claw their way back in. ________________________________________________

One night of magic rush One night of simple touch. Both under influence No promises were made. It happened with that touch Your arms all around to clutch. The swift fingers at your back. While locked in divine embrace. The Heartbeats glued to one, We forgot fires burn. Should have caught the embers And seized all. Ten days of being confused. One night to find out truth. To say what we felt, But mind is swirls and waves. Could have let it go like a dream on And kept close to heart to smile about. To call for help of divine To stitch us together, oh not right. That night of my truth and white It needs no sieve no vise. No help of divine, no pierces from you Because I was in love. ________________________________________________ Inspired by Jose Gonzalez " Heartbeats "

The ring rankles my mind I still don't remember the tune As always, but words hit me hard. Exactly like you whispered them to me! "What was that?" " Hey Jude", Shocked with my knowledge But unfazed and with mild adoration "Listen to it it's by the Beatles". I didn't like it then nor today But you are the constant. The words are the string, Holding me to you. I remember you today For all we were worth. The memory that was fading, Tribulations of manufacturing hate. The lockdown has all of us still., Alas but my mind still wanders The peregnirations have me haunted But happy for the memories. The fuzz of the extremes Only my mind to make sense of it. I am veering everywhere, Till I get back home.

I have to smile yet again For I am back to the old days. Once again at the same crossroads Where I prayed never to come to. Where days became years And I became queer. Where words were stuck Wrapped within my tongue But you were in rush to hear So built your monologue. It's the immensity of love I have That will keep me afloat I hope. On a dead sea with nectons. For if I drown why would I Ever want to get back to the surface. I cannot mourn you yet, I have no energy left. I only hope kinder words Await me in my future. It's not my vanity I am so easily misheard. The naked, raw body wishes It were the shadow that follows. For it doesn't worry And most importantly feel. So the kindness is only the food That fills the dying ghost. It aches to smile But nothing like listening to The whimper of a bruised heart. So what do I do I smile. 

All that we want  Is here with us. Bring out your hands  Let the air hit you fresh.  But sometimes alas The winds don't blow.  Like an ephemera  We screech ourselves slow.  A day of being one  A day of truth  A day to show everything That's inside you. Truth is tough to hide The nooks are too full. Scare of shame or load of  Expectations tuning into a lull. A risky business to  Gauge the two sides. But in moment and why not It sounds all right.  All that we want  Is where, not with me. Where's the air When I want to breathe!  _______________________________________

सहमे हुए दिल की बात न करो ऐ ग़ालिब, तुम रो दो हर बार जो उसकी एक आह फूटे।

Walking across the dense I often turn around To look for a soul Who might be around. I often tumble and Bruise too often. The mate could wait up Just check up on my pain. Some cheeky words of care Would sound in wilderness, The energy could melt the cold And bring in some warmness. This hope could bring out The humans from the blubber. Oh the morphs could finally Rest once dug deep under. A communion of souls Of merriment and joy What fun would that be To face death like that, oy! _________________________________________________ Courtesy : https://www.behance.net/gallery/66232473/SILENTIUM-A-Lone-Soul

To grow up never To be whoever To fly around With no care. A land so green And things with sheen With skies so azure So much colour to glean. I sit with my lovelies Run and dive along gullies Impish and carefree May deserve some ear-curlies. I never wanted to grow up, Told my mother growing up. Just people who are human Hanging around cheering up. Finding Neverland Finding Neverland I will find my Neverland Neverland. _________________________________________________

The sky was lit And noise everywhere Sort of felt I was finally in air. The ground flickered sharp Danced my feet away Beat mustn't go un-danced anyway. Looked at the swarm of souls Some despondent and lost Unsure of the bridges they have crossed. But tonight is a new leaf. Heaving the bleak across with its helve They gear up and gather themselves. Full of laughter full of energy. I un-cross my legs to smash down Lost but I see the touchdown. _________________________________________________                     Courtesy: Prabhakar Vats