And so I smile

I have to smile yet again
For I am back to the old days.
Once again at the same crossroads
Where I prayed never to come to.
Where days became years
And I became queer.

Where words were stuck
Wrapped within my tongue
But you were in rush to hear
So built your monologue.

It's the immensity of love I have
That will keep me afloat I hope.
On a dead sea with nectons.
For if I drown why would I
Ever want to get back to the surface.

I cannot mourn you yet,
I have no energy left.
I only hope kinder words
Await me in my future.
It's not my vanity
I am so easily misheard.
The naked, raw body wishes
It were the shadow that follows.
For it doesn't worry
And most importantly feel.
So the kindness is only the food
That fills the dying ghost.

It aches to smile
But nothing like listening to
The whimper of a bruised heart.
So what do I do
I smile.