My Ramblings

When we cease to be Or we are broken. Touch my cheek before u leave me. I won't ask you to stay The night would be at my side. But dissolve in the wisp Don't turn away. A fly by night A shift of advection They would have me For the rest of time.

The worms they travel like electric current. Rushing all  the way, making way through the many zigzag turns around the various lumps of the brain. Yeah lumps, which the elites call 'lobes'. These worms they spawn new ones. They intermingle, they merge and de-merge. And keep on playing with no worries of how miserable they make the person they are inside. There are just so many of them. Every time a new point of view emerges, a new one is produced occupying the same constrained boot-space further constraining it. The same happens when the person acquires a new knowledge, a new grammar, or a new unjust-ness. The justness seems to dissolve in everyday run of the life, it's the unjust-ness that sticks.  You can easily imagine there has to be a carrying capacity for our brain too, just as our nature and environment. And when it exceeds, all you have got is a pain that bypasses everything else. A mind-numbing migraine with no cause about which there is nothing you can do. Y eah ...

It looked into me, Outside seemed bruised. Tended by the whorls of love The mind simply smiled. You seem torn, soul asked. To protect you from hurt It almost burst out. Do I really?, the thought flowed out. It swore a truth the only one. "What may be or may not But you need to pervade. You are safe come what may." "I could be a sword or a sabre A big knife or a small one. But like air I'd surround Call it penance but I won't butt out." You are my soul, my essence. I lash out but with you I am sane. May be this is how she survives, Dichotomy ringing all the time. ________________&&&&&_______________ Sometimes evil is not necessarily evil .  Happy Diwali !

18.05.2020 ख़्वाब के टूटने का दर्द ही अजीब होता है न झेला जाता है ना बयाँ किया जाता है। बड़े कश्मकश के हालात होते हैं! असल होते तो उनकी मैय्यत सजाते पर बेवजूद को दफ़न करें तो कैसे टीसती है बस तो वो सच्चाई जो ख़्वाब ने ज़िंदा कर दिए थे। _______________________________________ न देखो वो ख़्वाब जो जगने न दे दूर होंगी रात की तनहाइयाँ लेकिन आयेगी बेरंगी सुबहा। जब हक़ीक़त है सूनी तो सपनों की क्या बिसात रोकना ही है तो अपनी उम्मीदों को रोको । जब बेहाल हो मन पर लगे सोच पे पाबंदी तो वो याद ही क्या जो ला न पाए अपनी बेबाक़ी।

रोते थे जिसके लिए हर वो याद बचकानी हुई न आते हो तुम याद ना चेहरे पे शिकन आई बातों की लहर जो खत्म न हो अब लगता है कि काश शुरू न हो कैसी बदली ज़िन्दगी जो प्यार ने दे दी जगह ऊबास को हँ...

देख के शोहरत उसकी होती है एक ख्वाहिश क्या था मेरा कभी क्या नहीं था ये था वो नहीं। रेत को धर लेंगे मुट्ठी में पर हाथ में रह गए कुछ कंकड़ थे वो रेत या वो कंकड़ या थे वो चूर हुए हीरे। क्या जानने की थी ज़रूरत या पकड़े रखने का कोई मतलब जानना न था ज़रूरी जो भी थे, थे वो मेरे। जब शौक था तज़ुर्बे का तो क्या थी ज़रूरत कसी मुट्ठियों की खोल दिया उन्हीं मुट्ठियों को और भर लिया उस रेत को शीशी में। आज जब देखूँ उस शीशी को याद आते हैं वो बीते पल वही जज़्बा वही बागीपन क्या कोई लगा सकेगा उसकी क़ीमत?

कभी आवाज़ ने जवाब दिया तो कभी दिमाग ने सोच के चले थे मोड़ देंगे दुनिया की लहर रास्ता था लंबा पर सोच थी अडिग करना ही क्या था, बस वही। लगा लोग सुन लेंगे शब्दों की गहराई सब चलेंगें एक साथ एक ही डगर कुछ गलत हुआ तो होगी समझ बूझ की आस पर हुआ वो जो कभी सोचा नहीं। सब की थी अपनी कहानी और अपने निष्कर्ष सबको थी चाह सुनाने की, नहीं थी तो सुनने की समझ रुक जाओ धीरज रखो बन गयी मेरी आवाज़ पर धीमी होती मेरी आवाज़ जाती रही। रिश्तों के ऐसे भँवर में ज्यों लगा रो लें ज़रा रोक लिया इक सोच ने सब तो हैं अपने इनसे क्या रूठना कुम्हलाई ऊर्जा भी हँसी और उठ बैठी वहीं।

पहली बार शिद्दत से येे बातें रास आईं हैं मोहब्बत में कहाँ कसमें तिजारत काम आयीं हैं ग़म-ए-दिल से ज़रा दामन बचा कर हम भी देखेंगे मोहब्बत बस ज़माने को कहानी दे के जाती है वरना घुट ...

ऐ ज़िन्दगी गले लगा ले हमने भी तेरे हर एक ग़म को गले से लगाया है, है ना? हमने न सोचा था मिल गया दुनिया का कुछ एक सहारा एक इशारा तूने दिखाया है ये सपना ज़िन्दगी जो ये अफसाना था लब पे जो ...

Who says what matters Mostly confused seldom aware Appreciation clarifies brings perspective Otherwise what remains is a retrospective. Too many voices too much applause Kicks inside yet mostly a ruse Only when it's one and almost single That it's worth turning your brains to mingle. That one voice would raise you high The depth would suffice no matter the price Weeds out non essentials to find the pure Brings you peace and life for sure. Grab on those who have been loved  For nothing is surer nothing is kinder The wayward find light souls to the vain Hope to the despair with a life to gain. _________________________________________ Inspired by 'A fault in our stars'.

फिर आई याद तुम्हारी, नहीं पहली बार हवा मुस्कुरायी तो हम भी हंस पड़े लगा आज भर लें दुनिया अपनी साँसों में पर याद आये थे वो जो ज़ुबा पे न आ सके लिखना चाहते थे कलम से सारी हकीकत डर था ...

How do I cry infront of you My eyes are peeled. I cannot blink nor can I wail With the clips and pins my eyes outstretched How do I tell you my story When you fed me sewage and stale I am not manic just in pain Jumping around even when sane. What do I tell you about My story that I want to tell Or the story you foretold. I know you forgot I am a human and not a witch . ___________________________________ Inspired by the tragic and real incidents of witch-hunt in state of Jharkhand, India where the victims are tied up, beaten, forced fed unimaginable things, burnt and killed, murdered.

My strength is up I dont know how Or may be I do, but you don't need to know. When flaws are many and means sub-par You consider things beyond your power. You link things to everything, diving into deepwaters. No drama, just the depth. Crime and puishment became my voice yet I disagree they'd always been my choice. Spots on my body, do they scream? No. They don't but world won't ever forget. Does my eye swell up when I cry? Yes.  Helpless all I can do is try. It reaches your brain burns synapses. And I know it is not far-fetched. We are pretty fragile, don't even need to move far than a shallow shield. So when rebellion starts to fade, the look to look for a calm, soothing sound to pervade. Alas! not everybody lives out the shade. How can you be flawed so much you ask your peers did they know? You were clueless or even when not Don't go into reasons, it furthers the rot. Shout them out let your guns out, kill the vector but purify...

A life to dissolve,  a life to survive who knows what's in the box.  So glittery, so shiny or so they say.  A belief is lost. Potential  full of life but somehow befizzled.  what knows and what doesn't .  What to do or rest do I may.  Reckless is all I seem, paced confines-less and whatever you guessed. Yet one feels to be sealed in by the  soft sand even when you are made of clay.  Eager for comfort, and cowed down whole but nothing pacifies a weeping soul.  Fools say you build on like the legos. never do they go out in the day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Someday I will complete this. Yes, I will. It's only a matter of getting up and donning my thinking-cap. Not a big deal! It will happen. Very soon. 

Scared ... I looked into my reflection.  Didn't like it,  but certainly loved it.  ---------------------------------------------- Written for the  Grammar Ghoul Press Shapeshifting 13 Challenge number 86 .