My Ramblings

I want to be adrift this water My back would touch the pearls of calm, Nothing like the tip of knife. My paranoia finally at rest, I sigh. I want to be adrift this water. May be the fishies gulp some air at me And some may even jump yet I would be at peace with their intent. I want to float around in this water, Because it would do its best To not let me fall once it permits. I won't fear the lifelessness when it hits. I want to splash on in this water. Gripping me from below the benthos. I can kick I can turn I can slide I can run. I want to lie afloat this water, The microscopic colonnade of the columns For they will form me into a shape Finally an identity I won't hate.    _________________________________________________  Courtesy : Kathy

Today is the day I run, I run I run I run so far, To where no one can find me, To where I can be alone. Just tell me where's that and The route map for the same. I have too many things Too much haste to find on my own. Oh finally I would be alone. I and my mind at peace together. Rent from hustle of life, To think or not to whether. To end the dearth inside me The daily struggle of morning to night. Puerile me at best and rest. To not be ground like a truant I am not Resuscitate my half-breaths before they die. Hope once again is creeping I am ready to go. But assure me that Eden exists What if I get lost again. Oh boy! Voices in my head Are once again soughing. With the echolalia I feel timidity taking over me. They smirk and heckle Harmony of I and my mind. "At peace huh!" I feel a Roll of eyes in my head inside. Pawn of my mind How can I rest I remind myself. Sheared with the gangrene of mind. I am immobile ...

I was ready to melt into you. I had myself wrapped around you My arms around your neck But every condition you put up, Broke my fall. First at the elbow, Then at my neck My torso broke off then And finally my waist. So now I'm crooked.

It is just how it is. To accept what they say about me; I can't defend myself So they win unanimously. Cheer me down they call me names Tell me I deserved it, For I had no sense. No empathy, no compassion to no degree. A tendon burst then a bone broke Like that every muscle split Yes it was all my doing, And yes I deserved it. Deserved it to trust the malevolents Over the mountain of tenderness, My own heart surrendering to the heathens. What an imbecile I was! I only have glut of emotions Where I constantly beg to drown me out. Which smoulders my lungs into paper Turns into dust with mere touch. Laughed at the fool I was, Must be immortalized in museums. Yet managed to save my last breath The girl still can survive. 

I got up in sweat, Only to taste The grey bitter charcoal of dark Wrapped around me. You weren't there To shield me, my weir. I was lost, so lost I puked, I stooped. I tried to remember Your words, those embers. Yes o yes I raised my head And got up straight. Stand on those feet, I will But can't move them still. What do I do, please Help me move. From the mouth of dark Before it gulps me stark Hold me back and Take me away. _________________________________________________

लोगों को हम से शिकायतें बहोत हुईं जाने क्या ज़िद थी जो हमसे रुख़सत न हुई।

“Hey, must you never smile every time I clicked you”, he smiled but he couldn't have done without the insinuation. He didn't want to hurt my feelings. To the best he tried. But he needed the boost to keep on going. Something must get reflected back to him. That's fair also. The love unrequited nobody deserves that. But the way the transactional world explains various things the cost-benefit could only take us so far. And thus, love is simply wasted on me. The usual course of action on my part was a sassy retort. My eyebrows were already raised and head tilted a little towards the right. Like a stream of electricity would petrify the life out of you, the deja vu hit me. I was suddenly transferred to a time in the past. Similar setting. But instead of the rocky, white colonnade it was the rocky slopes and forests. The tuberose were in full bloom. The flat surface of the lake had finally convinced the lilypad to let the buds show out. He would look upon every flower and ...

वो जो आयीं बारी बारी से बूँदें साथ लायी वो कल की यादें जैसे बादलों ने ग़रज़ कर दिल को था सहमा दिया इस रात की फ़िज़ा ने उस रात के अरमान को जैसे जगा दिया हम जो हुए मशरूफ़ इन यादों में हमें पहचाना तो होगा आपने हिचकियों में बस तिलस्म दिल्लगी की ख़ातिर हम ठहरे रहे और अरमानों की दास्तां हम सुनते रहे जो पी ली अब हमने जाम-ए-दिल्लगी जब कभी होगी मुलाक़ात तुमसे मेरे हुज़ूर रखकर तुम्हारे होंठों पे उँगली कर देंगें हम इज़हार-ए-सुरुर।

इस बज़्म-ए-दुनियाँ में सब खिलाड़ी हैं सब महज़ खेल और लोग खिलाड़ी है बस जीत ही रह गयी ख़्वाहिश जो सबकी हार कर जीतने की खुशी का मलाल शायद सिर्फ़ हमें है। मलमली बातों की फेहरिस्त में जब आया मेरा नाम थोड़ा शरमाये थोड़ा भरमाये थोड़ा नसीब पे मुस्काए। ख़ुद को बयाँ करने की ज़रूरत न होगी क्या डूबती कश्ती को सहारा मिल गया था। रह न जाये कोई शिक़वा सो कर दिया ख़ुद को बयां वो आप थे जो इल्लत गिना लाइलाज छोड़ गए मेरे हुज़ूर। रोक दो मेरी हर ख़्वाहिश को मेरे ज़हन में ऐ खुदा, जो आँसू बन वो निसार हुए तो उनके कदमों तले रौंदे जाएंगे। बातों का क्या है बातें तो बहोत होती हैं। बातें तो वो हैं जो बिन बोल समझ ली जाती हैं। कभी इक़रार न कर पाए कभी इक़रार कर भी न पाएं। पर कसम उस ख़ुदा की तुम्हारे इश्क़ पे यकीं न कर पाए।

The voice everywhere just calm. All you can here are intermittent chirps. You are alive here and maybe everything else is dead. Be that as it may but you hear it. The beat of his heart alloyed with yours. All you need is a gentle sway, a gentle hum and a gentle stroke. A night of only joy. Taps and hops jumping around. Twirling by your fingers My head resting under your chin. For me to lie in when I am tired. Only to rush back to the floor. Because I won't fall today. My breaths are finally unimpaired. Let the night just continue. You will leave with springs in your feet. I don't want to drag away my feet. My God let the night continue, For it may be the last night I am true. The smell of air and you For when I pressed myself against you My eyes are closed but it is no dream. Yea no apprehension I so easily brim. Oh the perfection finally! My fantasy met my reality. Circles and circles I am out, Only wish we were here forever. I am carefree b...

"Did it feel like a demon was coming out of you maybe to defend you?", she quizzed me. I looked at her confused. My face must have been staring at her blank. I could  feel a giant spout pointing at her nose. It was mundane and generic but no less scary. I was still not used to it. "No, that was not. A demon. No.", I had only one friend then and it was that. "Why would you hate yourself then?", I was so confused at the bombardment of questions. "I don't hate myself. I just don't stand... Can't stand them who wouldn't wait to even listen to me", I needed to lie down a little and chat with myself over the regimen I have been carrying out. "Are you scared Em?", this felt like a burn through my metaphorical kevlar. Ofcourse I was. I always am. "Ofcourse I am not. Haters don't deserve my attention. " "Hmm...", she tapped her pen twice at the sheets she had in her lap. "And why is t...

I was stunned, could not move I was held by the hands of dark. Swaddled by the caress, I was breathing in the dark .  I was headed for my aim. Anger, expectations alike. Despite knowing all the truth I could only move forward. He grabbed me in his embrace. I thought the mind felt clearer. It needed a pamper, wherever it got. The hug was tightening nevertheless.  Suddenly they cracked. The ribs. Then My neck snapped, popped my veins. Brain shattered. The pain unbearable. Of course imagine the bloodshed.  I sublimated. The bones and veins Scorched. Like the way I effervesced I re-emerged. First a spectre then the solid mortal I was.  Is it better do you know? But, it was not the end I knew. You are my master, unholy one, Let me slip away to rise on my own. ____________________________________

Oh you shiny, crescent orb Hanging in the sky. Don’t you have it right yet, Lovers tarry, and pray for you. You look fatter, today than then Do you worry, fret not. The night hears you always. She could just be sewing her veil. Oh my friend, I miss you today. Only now I know you are swept. You are happy, I am ecstatic. A true romantic seeks love out. Yes you are back, tell me The story. May be one day I’ll have my finished. To swoon, to feel, to share your joy. Every love story deserves a keen ear. You mustn’t be scared towards end. I know it’s hard to repeat everyday.   You may dissolve but only after You merge with the starry night. Be happy my old, dear friend. Fortune showers on the blessed few. To melt into the arms of your paramour. And to do it every night, oh so few! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------